Infiltrated?

Ok, this is just unconscionable. How this could happen in a realm with two Estrelas, I don't know.

Batata reported to me that a book had mysteriously arrived in the house, so I checked it out. The name of the book is "Toad Heaven." Now, on first glance this sounds like a perfectly wonderful book -- a book about the evil toads meeting their maker. A glance at the blurb on the back provides tantalizing clues at what might lie inside... phrases like "Perhaps it was a fork wound" and "the human had tried to eat him." A quick look inside provides more wonderful imagery of a toad afraid of being squashed and otherwise harmed.

But a closer look reveals the truth. It is a pro-toad book! The picture on the cover shows three smiling toads with halos above their heads (the one on the right does look like a thug, so at least that part is accurately depicted). The hero of the book is a toad who is a "nice guy" and just wants to "find a safe place to live" where he can escape "persecution." If this isn't heresy, I don't know what is.

Here is a link to it on Amazon. Amazingly the same "person" (probably actually an amphibian) has written several other pro-toad books. I am thinking perhaps a good protest against Amazon for selling this kind of filth is in order. Also, when I looked there were only 3 left in stock. To me this says there is something big going on. Perhaps if Amazon provides data on who has been buying this book in large quantities, and decides to carry the Jorge Damas Estrela book, then I will rethink the whole boycott thing.

So now I must ask myself how this book made it into my realm. Do we have a spy in the house? A toad sympathizer? Or was it brought in by a 3rd party? If so, how could that happen without Batata or me knowing about it? It would have had to be while I was stuck in the garage... I know the humans sometimes take Batata out for "socialization" (that is what they call it... we call it "admiration") so the house is unprotected at those times (the big dumb wolfhounds are of no use for this sort of thing). Maybe someone stuck it in the backpack of one of the children while they were at school. That is more plausible, but it would be a bad situation, indeed, since it would mean the children are exposed to grave danger while out of my sight. Perhaps I need to work things out so that Batata or I can accompany them to school just to make sure they are safe. The toad spy could be that yellow lab. He does look shifty and he always barks at me (like it has any impact -- ha!). I still do not trust him. I have never seen him bark at a toad.

If Argus were here I would just have him eat this book to destroy it. Batata is good at chewing things right now so perhaps I can put her on it. I, personally, even though I have an iron stomach in general and could eat ANYTHING, including baklava and junebugs, refuse to stoop so low as to let this... this thing touch me any more than it already has (I feel like I need a good bath already, and hey, my favorite human has a coupon for bathing at PetSmart!). Ah, I have an idea! The big dumb wolfhound Brogan has been jumping the gate into the living room and peeing on the floor. I will convince him to pee on the book, and then the humans will throw it away. Problem solved! Well, this part of it, at least....

INSOLENCE!!!!!!

There has been a setback in Batata's training.

I am all for the destruction of towels and sponges as well as the stealing of food. In fact, I encourage such activities.

Batata has done something so vile and heinous that I have to question her ability to learn the art of being the queen of the realm. My confidence is very much shaken.

Not only did she STEAL a photo of me in a plastic magnetic frame, she chewed it up!

Yes, I know you are as shocked as I am. How could she do such a thing?? Oh, woe is me.

I intend to give her a stern talking to and set things straight.

Here she comes now.

"Batata, you mustn't chew on pictures of moi."

"Awwww, look at you. You little monkey face."

"Oh no, I am not upset with you at all."

"Here you go, Batata, chew up another picture of me."

Argh!!!! I think she used her Estrela mind powers on me!!!!!!

The force is strong with this one.

Bart

Don't believe any rumors!

Dear Readers,

I want to dispell any nasty rumors that might be out there where you might hear that I was afraid of a toad. I don't know how this rumor could have been started as the only human witness was my agent and I know he would never repeat such blasphemy. I can only infer that the wicked toads somehow mangaged to start spreading this rumor.

Here is my side of the story......there was a toad in one of the dog yards. Having recently read a book on hip hop dancing (I must keep up with my #1 apprentice, Argus, as he is an avid reader)...I decided to merge some hip hop moves and judo to dispatch with the toad. I have to say that in true Estrela style, the moves were executed perfectly. Why my agent was laughing, I will never know.

Bart

Batata Training update #3

Batata is a quick study. Over the weekend, Batata was sent to be with me for some instruction on how to properly guard the ducks. I was a little disappointed as she was not interested in heckling the ducks at all. I mean, when I heckle the ducks it is just for fun, not because I would actually harm them. Batata just watched them. What fun is there in that?

We had a good amount of time to have a little chat about the pleasures of stealing things off the counters, ESPECIALLY sponges and towels. I am happy to report that my youngest apprentice has destroyed her first sponge. You go, girl! Okay, that is enough Batata admiration. Everyone focus back on me.

Speaking of me, I must say that I am need of a bath and a good grooming. Normally I don't care for such foo-foo activities but with the warmer weather coming I am ready for a good shed! Plus, if my favorite human decides to take me to the groomers instead of doing it herself, I will command lots of attention with my Estrela mind powers. I am worshipped by the humans in the grooming shop. It's all lovely dovey ear scratching and treats for good ole Bart. What Estela would want to pass that up?

This weekend I must make preparations for our upcoming delivery of ducklings. My favorite human has ordered 14 babies to add to the flock. I hope we get more ducks than drakes. That means more eggs for moi. Of course we have eggs now but Thelma and Louise can't keep up with the demand of all the egg loving canines in my realm. Unfortunately our new ducks won't lay until next sping. Maybe we should find some chickens.

Well, that's it for now. I need to keep an eye on that yellow lab interloper. I think he's trying to make a permanent stay here.

Bart